Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
