Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
