Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
