I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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