there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize