I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
