we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
