when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
