3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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