lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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