yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this is an emotional support booty call
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how drunk are you?
Several
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
