sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
