I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I supernannyed him into submission
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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