You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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