Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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