i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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