I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
