I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
