K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
