She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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