so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
