we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
