It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
