I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
