And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
