I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize