U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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