Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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