like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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