i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
