The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize