She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize