WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
