My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize