So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
