i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
