This gyro tastes like lonliness
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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