There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Still dying that you shit outside
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize