I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
