Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
