im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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