im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize