you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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