and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
