Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
