so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
