i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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