We need to rekindle our bromance
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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