So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
