I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
