so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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