Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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