I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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