Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So squirting runs in the family.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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