But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
