I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize