now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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