Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
