tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
