I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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