just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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