Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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