Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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