tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
