dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
