I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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