I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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