Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
