and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
