Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
