I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
