so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
