Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
