Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
