If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
