Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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