Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's never too late to be topless.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
