Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
