there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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