Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
