Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My vagina is very pro this idea
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